Maternal Imprints

Yes, today is Mother's Day.  Supposedly more flowers are purchased and more phone calls are made on this day than any other in the year.  Our first and most basic relationship is with our mother.  Even before we have eyes to see or ears to hear we sense the thrum of her heartbeat.  In many ways this first, primal bonding sets the tone for all the others we will have in our life.  Do we feel loved, secure, happy, successful or do we feel the opposite-- despised, needy, fearful or doomed?  These first emotional imprints color all the attachments that follow.

Despite this, I firmly believe we are what we choose to be--or we can be.  Do we still carry the emotions of this first relationship like some kind of banner that informs us about ourselves?  Do we still believe the childhood labels acquired--whether we consider them to be good or bad?  In our family we may be known as the smart one or the pretty one, but those names may chafe if you feel the need to perform or maintain a standard of beauty ALL the time or if these are not attributes we value in ourselves.

Part of growth, be it chronological, psychological or spiritual, is to examine those roles, challenge those emotions and make conscious decisions about what we choose to be.  The real work behind this effort is first acknowledging that we really do have the power to make a choice.  We allow ourselves to be what we are, supported by our internal dialogue that reinforces our negative feelings about ourselves.  If you don't believe me, carry a notepad for a day and jot down all the negative thoughts about yourself that float through your mind in one day.  Most of this is done unconsciously, the same way the internal editor creeps into your writing.  However, the moment we shut off the noise, the moment we begin to change the programming, our lives start to shift.

Think of one area of your life you would like to improve.  Although this blog is dedicated to energy and writing, it certainly doesn't have to be a professional area that you pick.  It could be the way you relate to someone in your life (perhaps your mother), or some characteristic in yourself that you would like to change. Think about the things you say or think about yourself in regard to that issue (if you are not sure what they are, try the exercise above). 

Again, this unconscious commentary works against you, so change it.  If you tell yourself you are no good at math (or being organized or sticking to a schedule or keeping commitments or whatever) simply tell yourself something different.  Whenever you "hear" yourself "saying" one of these deleterious comments, mentally erase it and substitute a comment that serves you better, such as I am good at math.  I am well organized and confident.  Keep it simple and consistent.  When I finally quit smoking several years back, I succeeded with the help of a mantra that I repeated whenever I felt a craving:  I am a happy, healthy, confident non-smoker.  I don't need a cigarette right now.  That's how I started.  I concentrated on the moment, then on the day.  Finally, after a couple of weeks, I could simply tell myself I don't smoke.

In some ways, we are all addicted to patterns of thought or action that don't serve us but are comfortable in their familiarity.  We all have things about ourselves we would like to change.  But none of us is powerless.  You have the ability to change, modify or mold yourself in any way you choose.  But will you?

If you liked this post or need help starting on a new path, post here or feel free to call 646-355-7934.